


Art of Uncleing 101

by Jeageractive



Series: Child Eren collection [3]
Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Gen, Wow, what is this
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-07-25
Updated: 2014-10-15
Packaged: 2018-02-10 05:03:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 4,433
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2011923
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jeageractive/pseuds/Jeageractive
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Levi's field days with his holy terror of a nephew.</p><p>Make that a really painfully endearing holy terror with temper issues (among other things).<br/>-Hiatus-</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

It was a known fact that Levi was socially inept. Like, the sky is blue, the earth is round, Levi can't interact with humans to save his life. So it's a little...awkward to have a social skill-seeking role thrust upon him one morning.

Carla rang his doorbell at literally seven am and strolled inside with a bundle of his soon to be cause-of-every-problem-that-exists-including-global-warming-but-not-really cradled in her arms.

"Look Eren, it's grumpy uncle Levi." She cooed in that aggravatingly sugary, reserved only for babies voice.

Levi rubbed at his cowlicks, a little disoriented, unable to produce anything other than an,"Already?"

"Yes, Levi. Now don't just stand a foot away like he's going to bite, he doesn't even have teeth yet."

Levi leaned forward a bit and blinked down at the baby."I don't see what's so interesting about him when he's dozing off." Eren had his eyes closed, but his lips curved into a cute and toothless smile.

"He's dreaming." Carla chuckled a little. Levi hummed before cautiously poking his cheek. The kid stirred and his hand twitched, and then suddenly Levi's finger was in a death grip. Carla practically shoved him into Levi's arms.

"I still haven't gotten my coffee yet, hold him while I make some."

"Wait, I can't-" Levi resigned to his fate with a sigh, awkwardly standing there while the baby blinked it's huge eyes open.

"Oh look, his eyes are pretty."

Very pretty indeed. Except, his comments and thoughts about the brat changed a lot over time.

It started off with,"Eren, don't touch that."

Then,"Eren, don't fucking eat that."

"Jesus fucking Christ, Eren, not the Clorox."

"Dammit Eren, I just cleaned my fucking floors!"

"Give me back the fucking knife right now."

"Holy fuck I need an aspirin."

The brat hadn't even surpassed eighteen months and Levi found himself sprawled dead on the couch at the end of the days he comes over.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Most of these are experiences with my own younger siblings.

It was true that Levi worked at home and online, that a bubbly woman such as Carla _was_ his sister, but that didn't mean he gave the permission to get a brat dropped off at his place nearly every morning like a bomb shell.

They were decent excuses, it must have been hard for two studying surgeons to raise a kid. Still. _Still_. This was motherfucking Eren Jaeger they were talking about.

He was an endearing child, but all the more a handful.

He was especially fond of addressing Levi as "Evee" and using the older's hand as a chew toy when his teeth hurt.

When Levi found himself bored some mornings, he'd set Eren in his lap and make futile attempts at teaching him proper pronunciation. The most common response was an aggravating "Eevee", and he'd chase Eren away after giving up.

As for chewing on his hands, it was an idle occupation reserved for t.v time.

"Eren." Levi called when the brat didn't show any signs of existence for a few minutes."Mike the knight's on." The raven turned his attention from his laptop screen momentarily to grab the remote and blast the volume up. Eren still didn't come around.

The little shit could've choked on something or swallowed bleach, for all he knew, as much as he'd kept harmful substances and objects where he couldn't reach.

He took the flight of stairs effortlessly and went into his room, knowing from experience how Eren found a lot of his interests and muses in there. Sure enough, there was a set of fidgeting feet visible from the floor of his closet. Levi smiled a little and dipped down, lifting a hanged article of clothing and revealed the brat's hiding place. Eren blinked up at him with surprise.

"Found you."

The brunet giggled.

"What are you doing back there?"

"Vroom." Eren lifted up his favorite car to show the older.

"You wanna go see Mike the knight?"

His instantaneous scramble to get up was good enough of an answer.

Eren found his way to Levi's lap after he'd settled down on the couch with his laptop, brattily poking at the keyboard and quit when the t.v finally grabbed a good amount of his attention. The hand on the brat's chest kept to steady him was not meant for such recreational purposes, and Levi sighed in exasperation the usual set of lips latched on to the side of his thumb. It was kinda gross, but somehow he'd gotten used to it.

"Eren." Levi warned when his sharp little teeth sunk into his skin too deep. The brat wasn't paying much attention, and Levi had to pry his hand away from his mouth before he broke the skin.

"No more of that." He put a chew toy in his mouth. Soon it hit the floor and he'd grabbed Levi's hand again.

-

As Eren grew older, he progressively spent less and less time at his uncle's and more at play school. It was a relief, really, but Levi wouldn't say he didn't kinda miss the lively ruckus that he brought along with his presence. Eren had grown attached, too, and still was dropped by his house occasionally.

As for his birthdays, he took them seriously and Levi was always there for all four of them. Eren was a little downcast when he didn't show up on his fifth.

"Won't uncle Levi come today?" He asked his father, who gave him a small smile.

"Not today, Eren. He's busy."

"Aw." Eren didn't have time to fold his arms dejectedly before he was being lifted off the ground from behind. He screamed and thrashed a little.

There was a hand covering his eyes suddenly."Guess. You have three tries."

"Uncle Levi!"

"Ooh, how'd you figure me out you devil?" Levi hoisted him up and balanced him on his side, Eren's eyes narrowing accusingly when he saw his other hand empty.

"Where's my present?"

"Am I not a good enough present?"

"You're not a present." Eren answered blatantly. Levi rolled his eyes fondly and set him down on the ground.

"Take a look behind you." Eren did so, tilting his head a little to the side and his eyes lit up instantly.

"Wooooooooow! How do I pick that up?" He skipped to the huge teddy bear and stared at it with a slackened jaw.

"You don't pick it up. You sit on it."

Eren instantly jumped into it's lap and hugged it tightly, in turn knocking it backwards and him forwards. Levi snorted as he made his way towards him.

"It's so fuzzy and nice!" Eren snuggled his face into the soft material of it, peeking at Levi with gleaming eyes and squished cheeks."Can I sleep on it? I can, right?"

"Well..." Levi was having a hard time remaining stoic."Wait, don't move." He pulled out his phone and Eren gave him a brilliant smile as he snapped a picture. The little shit looked so cute the picture might have come out from one of those pro post cards. The bear was a match, too, brown furred and green eyed.

"Levi, why did you trouble yourself? That thing is pricey."

"Trouble? After having taking care of your child every other problem in my life dissipates."

Carla just chuckled a little as Eren gave him a weird look and Levi pried him off his bear before he fell asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry I'm in love with titan sized teddy bears too. Also the copy cat part in the summary will happen next chap.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm pretty sure Levi is shit when it comes to role modelling.
> 
> Also, like, can you imagine them being hardcore Captain America fans and then when Levi meets Erwin he's all like,"My nephew's just gotta see you." And then they fanboy over Erwin together or something. Omg.

"Whatcha' watchin'?"

"Eren, take off your muddy socks first." Levi grumbled as the boy lingered by the doorway. This night, Carla and Grisha were in such a hurry that they couldn't even drop Eren off at his place, so he had to come babysit the brat for the night, grabbing himself the first movie he found while Eren played somewhere else.

It took Levi a second to realize that the rating was much too high for the brat, and he gave Eren a look as he flopped on the couch beside him."Go play in the yard."

"Why?"

"Because you shouldn't be watching this." As if on cue, a disturbing scream rang throughout the room and someone's head was knocked off gruesomely and Levi cringed as he tried finding the remote.

"Woah, did you see that? Super cool." Eren was sitting on the edge of the couch, shoulders tense in excitement.

Levi found the remote finally and paused it, Eren sending a pout his way."Go do something."

"Why can't I watch?" Eren moaned.

"Because I said so."

"Is it that reaaally bad stuff? Jean said it was called porn."

Levi's brow twitched as he gave Eren a warning gaze, who instantly pressed his lips together apologetically and looked up at him through his eyelashes.

"What else is that a son of a bitch teaching you?"

"Nothing." Eren blinked."Who grounds you when you say a bad word?"

The raven smirked in amusement."No one. I'm old and independent."

"So am I! So let's talk about that son of a bi-" 

" _Eren_."

"Sorry."

"Go."

"Aw, can we watch something else, then? I barely see you anymore and when I do you're so mean." Eren was pulling his smolder card with those puppy eyes."Pretty please? We can bond over Captain America."

Levi snickered a little, flicking Eren in the nose."Sly little squirt."

"Yes, I love you!" He gave him an unexpected peck on the cheek before jumping down and adding a ,"No homo."

Levi just ran a hand over his face and debated how he was going to kill that fucker Jean or whatever.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I forget to point out how old Levi is, so sticking to the canon age, if he's thirty four when Eren's fifteen then he's twenty four, twenty five-ish when Eren is five-six?

It was hot, burning, scalding, kill me now and take me to hell instead of this shit weather type of burning-and Eren was being a moody little shit because of the heat. And the air conditioning decided to be a bitch and die on them today. 

"I want ice cream! And I wanna go to the pool. I want ice cream in the pool."

Levi just tossed his head back and tried to fan himself with a stack of flyers. Eren stomped his foot angrily.

"You're grounded, squirt. Grisha would kill me if I took you out after all the evil shit you did yesterday."

"But it was an accident!" Eren reasoned, eyes doubling in size as his bottom lip twitched.

"Yes, after your father pointedly told to not throw paper planes at him while he was working."

"I didn't mean to drop my planes in his coffee."

"'Your planes' were his important draft that he'd been working for the past god knows how much time. You didn't mean to make planes out of his work, and you didn't mean to soak it with coffee. Tough luck."

Eren folded his arms angrily over his chest and stomped away. Levi eyed the tiled floor for only a second before planking stomach first on the cool surface, mind at ease with the knowledge that he'd scrubbed it a million times with bleach and it smelled fresh.

Eren soon returned and instantly straddled Levi's back for a lack of a better thing to do. Levi grumbled about unnecessary body heat but the little shit didn't listen.

A moment later, Eren threw the rest of his weight forward and hugged Levi's neck, pressing his smaller cheek to his uncle's."Eren I swear to god if you don't get off of me right now."

"But I'm bored."

"Eren."

The brunet muttered under his breath before retreating back, and suddenly, the collar of his tank top was being lifted and the spot between his shoulder blades froze.

"You little-"

Eren half screamed, half laughed before jumping up and running away. Levi bolted to his feet but hissed when ice traveled straight down his spine and just halted at the waistband of his sweats, quickly fishing for it in his back and grabbing them all out. 

"Eren motherfucking Jaeger get your ass over here right now we're going to the pool. I'll ground you later."

Eren squealed from somewhere upstairs before scurrying down excitedly. 

After looking for the floaty blow up things that Levi honestly didn't know the name of and grabbing a ducky life saver, Levi threw on some shorts over his trunks and a cleaner sleeveless, forced Eren into some clothes and hit the road.

Eren was slumped against his open window in content, booster seat the only restraint from making him jump out or something. Levi kept it in mind to give him a haircut some time soon when he noticed that his hair now just went past his ears.

"Can I have sunglasses too?" The brunet inquired when Levi pulled some shades from the compartment underneath the dashboard.

Levi smirked and grabbed the kiddie ones Eren forgot in his car ages ago.

"Oooh." Eren played around with them, set them down low on his nose and waggled his eyebrows in front of the rear view mirror."Do I look like daddy?"

"Put your seat belt back on." Levi pushed him away from the back of his seat. Eren flopped back down reluctantly.

Levi realized a little too late that they were perfectly matching right now, both in black tank tops and shorts, Levi's brown while Eren's were ugly blue beach print. He glanced at Eren while the brat flipped his hair back and forth.

They were standing just by the pool entrance."What are you doing?" Levi asked in amused curiosity.

"Doing that cool thing you always do." Eren pursed his lips and tossed his head back.

The older snorted."Don't break your neck now."

"Do it. The thing." Eren urged, and Levi wasn't very aware that he usually did the _thing_ until Eren pointed it out. He slipped his hands in his pockets and tossed his hair to the side.

"Waaahhh." Eren did the same motion, only his shades flew away and plopped down in the grass.

"Come on, brat." Levi chuckled a little while Eren grabbed them in frustration. 

It was a great away to cool down and lay back a little, Eren triumphantly declaring his ability to swim while Levi humored him and continued on holding his back. Then the one moment Levi leaves him at the shallowest edge to grab a drink of water is when he decides to be a stupid little fucker.

Levi heard the familiar wail and cries but decided he was mistaken as he made his way back, but then saw the life guard calling for him and expected the worst. _He drowned, he swallowed too much water, he passed out-_ all the great stuff.

He wasn't sure if he should be relieved that it wasn't any of his expectations, or alarmed when he saw a string of blood floating by his feet.

"He hit his mouth against the edge," the life guard explained, and Levi quickly picked him up and made his way to the bathrooms. Eren was bawling his eyes out probably because of the blood more than anything-because kids were like that, even if it didn't hurt, then there was blood and that was the end of the world.

"Shh, it's okay." Levi set him down by the sink and grabbed some paper towels, careful not to irritate his bleeding gums. He resisted the urge to say something like gross or ew when a small bit fell in the paper towels, because he was mature and he'd seen worse.

"Look what finally decided to let go." Eren blinked down at his hand and his tear glossy eyes instantly brightened in curiosity.

"Is that my tooth? Ew." 

"My thoughts exactly." Levi tossed the bloody pile away and wrapped Eren's tooth for him, albeit reluctantly, then stuffed it in his little blue pocket."Don't forget to put it under your pillow tonight."

"Am I going to get a lot of money for it?"

Levi regarded the small gap in his two front teeth in amusement."Gee, I don't know. It doesn't look too special."

"Aw."


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Levi goes original with the how do babies work? talk.

"Eevie." The nickname had stuck to him like glue long after Eren learned how to properly pronounce his name.

"Hm?" Levi eyes were still fixed on his book. Eren was leaning his chin against his shoulder and staring at the said small font sized-book.

"How do you even read that?"

"It's an adult thing."

Eren hmped and went quiet for a second."Why are there no pictures?"

"There are. Figuratively speaking."

Eren's brow scrunched up in confusion."I don't see any."

"But I do." Levi was too amused.

"Really?" He said in wonder, leaning in closer."Where?"

"It's an adult thing." He repeated, and Eren groaned.

"How long till I be an adult?"

Levi whistled."Looong way, buddy."

"Aw. You suck." He went quiet again.

Not even seconds later,"Where did Jean come from?"

Levi gave him a look."What do you mean?"

Eren shrugged."Where'd he come from?"

Uh-oh. Levi glued his eyes back to his book."His mom."

"So his mom's a horse?"

He got a cuff upside the head."That's rude, Eren."

"Well he looks like one."

Another pause, and Levi thought the subject might have been overlooked.

"So then did I come from mommy too?"

"...yes."

Levi could practically feel the way Eren was staring at him."How?"

"Let's talk about it later, alright?"

"But I wanna know."

"You won't understand." Eren reached over and shut his book, sitting in the most obedient way he could muster.

"I'll try to."

Shit. He was cornered."So, uh...what exactly do you want to know?"

"How I came from mommy." He said certainly.

"You were in her stomach."

He giggled."That's funny."

"Oh believe me, it isn't. You were an angry little dude in there. Kicking and thrashing so much."

He tilted his head to the side, tongue peaking out a little in thought. Levi could see the gears in his brain turning."How'd I come out?"

Thank _god_ she had a c-section. "They cut her stomach open and pulled you out."

Eren grimaced."Ow."

"Yeah. Appreciate your mother."

"But then..."

Oh. No, please.

"How was I...Why was I in mom's stomach?"

Levi brushed his bangs out of his eyes, looked around a little."Because?"

Eren put on his best angry face."Because is a shitty answer." He mimicked in a deep voice, and Levi flicked him in the forehead.

"Smartass."

"Why?"

Levi sighed. He was going to do this hardcore."Okay, listen up, because I won't repeat myself. Daddy has a weird super power to make babies. But he can't do that without mommy, it's like, trying to grow a seed without soil. Mommy's stomach is the soil. So daddy puts his baby seeds in mommy'stomach and then you grow in mommy's stomach and then they pull you out before you die in there." He gave himself a pat on the back.

Eren just looked twice as confused."Why would he do that?"

"Do what?"

"Put baby seeds in mommy's stomach?"

 _Holy fuck, Eren. Thanks a lot._ "To make babies."

He gave Levi an unconvinced look.

"It's fun."

"It is?"

Levi smacked a hand to his forehead."Just forget it."

Eren's eyes widened with more curiosity."Can you do that?"

Levi stifled a laugh."Yes."

"So then why don't you?"

"Because."

Eren's eyes widened."I would get a cousin, wouldn't I?"

"Yup. _Would_."

"I want one."

"You ain't getting any."

"Make me a cousiiiinnn."

"Christ almighty. You can't buy them at a pet shop."

"Do you need a girlfriend?"

"Huh?" Levi raised an eyebrow quizzically.

Eren grinned."To make me a cousin? Because I can get you one."

Oh. Wow, okay. Levi didn't thing they'd get this far in understanding."No thanks."

"There's a pretty lady at school? She's teaching me next year." His grin right now was shit eating."Why are you red suddenly?"

"I don't particularly...like girls."

"Ohhhhh." Eren flopped back down."So you wanna a boyfriend, huh?" The shit eating grin returned.

" _Eren_."

"Well there's also this pretty guy teacher at school..." Eren began, and didn't stop.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Uncle Levi is all Eren's, don't you fucking dare.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have a mighty need for super caretaker Levi that knows how to deal with kids

Eren was six when his possessiveness began to kick in. 

He was dropped after school at his uncle's, something in the norm, skipping inside in a near empty backpack and mismatched socks. He hummed something to himself, freezing by the living room's entrance."Unc--" He paused, blinked, slid over to the wall and peeked around it.

A lady he's never seen sat on the couch, lowering her magazine to acknowledge him when she heard his voice. She smiled at him, and Eren just stood there in confusion.

"Hey there, little guy." Eren glanced up, then latched onto his uncle's leg and buried his face in his side. He peeked at the pretty lady with one eye, who covered a laugh with her hand. Eren lifted his gaze up.

"Who's she?"

"That's my neighbor, Eren, miss Petra. 'S wrong with you, haven't seen people before?"

He gave her another stink eye and she grinned."Hi, Eren! I was looking forward to seeing you."

Levi removed him away finger by finger as he continued staring the stranger down, much to her amusement."I have tea in my hands, don't make me spill it all over you."

"Psst." Eren whispered, looking up again. Levi blinked down questioningly."I don't like her."

Levi put the tea down as she giggled and dragged Eren in by the cheek."You be nice, little shit."

"Levi, he's absolutely precious."

Eren didn't like that. Why did she call him Levi? He could count how much people were allowed to call his uncle Levi on his fingers. He followed him into the kitchen, dropping his backpack in a corner.

"Why's she here?" He asks as Levi fills a cup of water.

"She's my work buddy. We have some things to discuss."

Eren's eyebrows pinch together."But I thought I was your buddy."

"You're my best buddy. Work buddies are boring."

"Really?" Eren grins.

"Really. Are you hungry?"

"I could eat a Jean."

Levi pauses, gives him a look."It's a horse."

Eren shrugs."Same thing."

Levi sighs fondly, shaking two vitamin pills into his palm and giving them to Eren.

"I hate them."

"Too bad." 

He swallows one at a time with a dismayed expression and copious amounts of water. Levi ruffles his hair with one hand and puts the cup by the sink with another.

"Can I have Nutella?"

"'Course not. Go wash your hands, I'll make you a sandwich."

Eren does so obediently, coming back to sit at the table, craning his neck so he could get a peek at the lady. She gives him a wink and he retreats. There's the sound of the fridge closing, sliding of a plate, of liquid filling a cup. Eren drapes himself over the table and swings his legs as he waits.

Levi slides a plate in front of him, and he beams at the little side of fries with his ham and cheese sandwich.

"Can I have more ketchup?" He says, glancing up. 

"You'll get it everywhere. That's more than enough if you don't just lick it off of your fingers." A cup of apple juice clinks when he sets it down."I'm going to go have a talk with her now, alright? You can go watch tv upstairs when you're finished."

"'Kay." Eren says, sticking a finger in his ketchup. He finishes his fries and then bites into his sandwich, hearing them talk about things he didn't catch on to in the living room. She laughs all of a sudden, and Eren doesn't like how Levi's sitting beside her and showing her his laptop stuff he never lets Eren touch.

He glumly finished half of his sandwich before getting up and washing his hands. He lingers by the living room, this Petra person smiles at him and tells him to come sit with them, and he scampers upstairs instead. To the previously empty room Levi had made his, rivaling the one at home with childish attraction.

He turns on the tv, but the drone of their voices downstairs is annoying.

Eren didn't like her. Eren didn't like that Levi liked her. What if she was going to be his girlfriend? Eren didn't want a girlfriend to make a cousin for him like before. He doesn't want either of them anymore. _  
_

He broods with his big teddy, doesn't worry about homework because it's Friday. It was usually Levi and Eren time now, Levi wasn't busy on Friday.

Eren disliked her more by the minute. 

He perked up when he heard their voices get closer to the front door, when the door shuts and he can't hear her voice anymore. He's still moping, though, even when he hears Levi padding up the stairs.

"Why're you sitting in the dark, buddy?" Levi asks as he flicks on the light."Thought I'd find you hanging from the ceiling."

Eren tightened his grip around his teddy bear and his pouty glare intensified.

Levi sits beside him."Ouch, what did I do to deserve the silent treatment?"

Eren doesn't look at him still.

Levi blinks, pokes his cheek. Eren pushes his hand away."I don't wanna stay tonight."

"Hm?"

"Call daddy and tell him to come pick me up."

"Why?"

"Because."

"I'll be lonely."

"You have your _girlfriend_."

"Ohhh." Levi nods in understanding."You mean my boring business buddy?"

"Sure didn't look boring to you!" Eren shoots back accusingly."You showed her your laptop stuff."

"And?"

"You never show _me_."

Levi chuckles a bit, pinching the bridge of his nose."My laptop stuff is all ugly numbers. I thought you didn't like numbers."

"Whatever."

"We're just colleagues, that's it."

"Liar. You're even using fancy words on her."

Levi laughs again, and Eren looks just about ready to explode."I'm sorry."

"Hmpf."

"Eren, quit being a shit."

"I don't like her."

"Me neither."

Eren gives him a look." _Liar_."

"I don't."

A pause."You sure?"

"Hate her _guts_."

Eren blinks, but still purses his lips. Levi tickles his side and he giggles."Okay, I'll forgive you."

"Hallelujah."

He grins and bats his eyelashes. "Only if you give me Nutella."

Levi grins back."No." Before he could throw a tantrum, though, he gets the Wii going and puts in some Mario bullshit.

"Stop winniiiing." Eren grumbled not even five minutes into the game.

"Make meeee."

The bickering began from there.

Eren fell asleep against his thigh, crashing after a few late hours he wasn't accustomed to. Levi picks him up and puts him in bed, after few futile attempts of him clinging to his shirt. 

Eren rolls to his side, brow furrowing and lips pursing in his sleep."Uncle Levi's _mine_." He mutters angrily.

Levi smiles to himself and rolls his eyes.

 


End file.
